Goodbye Democracy, Hello Ignorance.

So with this past election's wins and woes, there is a lot going on in the political circuit. Normally as a non-voter, I simply do not care what happens with government and the people who run it (probably because I think the two party system is on such a level of incompetence that even single celled microbes could run it properly). In the case of this new petitioning to secede from the Union, I do happen to care, perhaps because I live in a backwards state that already has petition signers. Now, I don't want to seem like I'm against State's rights, because I'm not. State's rights have been a major force behind driving many of the freedoms we have today. The Amendments after the Bill of Rights have, for the majority, been instituted by the federal government by State's rights. For instance, the right of women and minorities to vote, the repeal of Prohibition (which was also a poorly instituted Federal policy), and direct election of Senators from popular vote. State's rights are also beginning to push the lines on other issues that will eventually become very relevant to the Federal circle, such as legalization of marijuana or gay marriage laws.

But I digress from my original issue, the secession talk. First off, it's never going to happen without revolution. If you are so naive to think that the Federal government hasn't thought about this before, then you obviously signed the petitions. For one thing, the petition has to be reviewed and checked to make sure it is official and not a rigged system. After that check goes down, then comes the part that most people don't know about, and you probably should. The government will concede to your petition, but in order to leave and be free, the State leaving has to pay back all it's contributions to the Federal Deficit, pay for all of the National Parks, land reserved for Federal buildings and institutions, and for Federal job lands. After that is any backed taxes that the State owes to the Federal government. Currently the deficit is about $16 trillion, and in most cases, the bigger states like Texas with massive amount of resources and contributions are looking at anywhere from $750 billion to around $1 trillion in money just to pay back the deficit, not including the money for the federal land and programs. But let's explore this more...

Let's say Texas does indeed have the money to pay off the government and secede from the Union (since they are the closest). If that's the case, with the condition our nation is in right now, Texas, apart from resources, is going to be broke. Broke as hell as a matter of fact. But they have a lot to do being their own separate state. First off, the new nation of Texas is going to have to reform it's government. Senators and Representatives on the Federal level are out of jobs, the Governor looks to be your new head of state, and the State body that is in place is looking to be in place. However, then there comes the idea of writing new laws, establishing a fresh start from the perils of the Union, and God knows what else to deal with in reforming the government to the way you see fit. And that's just the beginning. But let's say that Texas keeps the same general ideas as the United States has had, so it's simply just a much smaller version. On to the next problems...

First off, you're a new nation. You no longer spend money in US Dollars. You have to develop your own form of money, which is likely going to be worth almost nothing at first until you build upon it's backing and the trade of the money across the world. So in one day, you have made your rich poor and your poor even poorer. American based jobs in your new country can afford to pay in US Dollars, and you can convert the money to spend in your new currency, but these American jobs can only hire so few of your people. And sure, you have natural resources you can have people work on so you have oil and natural gas and lumber and all. But you might not have enough. So you're going to have to pay for other companies' goods to be imported to sustain your people. Gas prices probably will be around $10 a gallon, natural gas will be through the roof, and it'll probably cost $20 just to buy a loaf of bread, since you lack in wheat production and a strong backed currency. But then you have a better plan of taxation! That's how the people made it through originally: taxes! But with the high cost of importation of goods and services, the taxes have to be high to sustain your economy and the profit margin so you don't go into debt. The people in your new country will be starved and broke and unable to pay for these high taxes that you have put upon them. But that's just crazy talk really. I mean, you have no hard feelings against the Union, just wanted something different. You're still allies right?

So let's suppose the Union goes to war against North Korea. You know that going to war will stimulate your new economy, and you are allied with the Union, even though you couldn't bear it out. But you have no national armed forces! Your National Guard members have been stripped of rank, and the other divisions have ceased to exist because it's AMERICAN, not Texan. You can't afford to raise an army with the money you spent seceding and you can't even feed your people of your new country. You'll have to sit this one out while the economy takes a bit of a hit with blocked ports for goods and forced embargo on products coming from North Korean allies.

Now that last idea is crazy, but what about where Texas is located. I mean, there are a couple big ports in the Gulf of Mexico, and you now have two borders to control people with: Mexico and the United States. So there is more money for those borders. And the ports are your one way to receive goods that you now have to import, unless you pay highly to the United States for it over land. But let's suppose, and it's very realistic, that your new country gets hit by a hurricane, maybe a Category 5. In the old days, you would get federal money for repairs through insurance, and could still get goods by way of land without payment. Now with the destruction, you still have no money to fund repairs, no way to rebuild the ports and no easy way to get the money for it with all the other stuff going on. There just seems to be no end...

Granted, I have exaggerated my point fairly highly, but I don't think states have the governmental capacity to jump into anything like this considering even the mere thought of what would have to be done. And can you imagine if any of this were considered with Georgia? We can barely fund our educational system now to create intelligent world prepared children and we are going to secede and try to start things over? With the amount of states involved and the difficulty in seceding, even if all the states could eventually secede, they would not be united like in the last secession. Each state would have to fund it's own enterprises, after fronting this massive amount of money, and maybe joining other states as time passed. Before during the original secession, the Southern states were united, had a common goal of interest, had an economy and ties to other nations willing to pledge support and money, and had the balls to just do it and not petition anything. The states involved have no foreign ties since most of the world hates our arrogance and authoritarian foreign policy, they are not united in a common goal (leaving because of the government is not going to fix things with anything, especially not because the most often blame is the man least responsible), and most do not have the means of sustaining themselves in separation with their own resources.

But sadly, I don't have much of a choice in the matter. I refuse to sign any petitions for something so ludicrous, but being in the backwards state I am, with ignorant "Americans" signing left and right, I have to deal with the situation. I only hope it goes nowhere to where I can at least hop a freighter to Canada or some country not surrounded by a majority of ignorant people, blind to the ideas of what freedoms you actually have and the things that you take for granted. I only hope you miss them when your grave mistakes ruin your own liberties and of those around you. Goodbye Democracy, Liberty and Peace. Hello Warfare, Death and Poverty...a bittersweet and predicable end for history.

Tis The Season...To Be A False Prophet

So last night I finished Dexter season 6, and it was incredibly satisfying. It's definitely the best show on television (if you have Showtime; if not I suppose any AMC show easily takes the cake). For those that don't know, Dexter is about a serial killer who kills other bad people in society, all while trying to maintain being the social norm. Each season has a theme in the growth of his character, and in the most recent, as Dexter is trying to be a father (not terribly significant in spoiling anything), he tries to embrace faith as a means of controlling what he calls his "dark passenger". This is all happening as a new threat, known as DDK or Doomsday Killer, is making the 7 taboos of Revelations come to life in "sacrifice to God."

This transition is where I lead into this whole season, the season of Lent, Easter, and the like. I understand people need a God to maintain the balance of right and wrong (even though in many cases, the balance tips in favor of whatever is being done). I also understand that for most people, the idea of this life meaning "nothing" is quite a struggle too, especially when you feel like you are working so hard to live a prosperous life. The things I don't understand are the motivations to prove that you are willing to God, when they involve the absolute dumbest things on the planet.

Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, and according to Dante, results in being placed in the Third Circle of Hell in a pit of human excrement, blind and cold. This sounds awesome, but do you know what the definition of gluttony is? According to Thomas Aquinas, a medieval church leader, gluttony was defined as:

• Praepropere - eating too soon. 
• Laute - eating too expensively. 
• Nimis - eating too much. 
• Ardenter - eating too eagerly (burningly). 
• Studiose - eating too daintily (keenly). 
• Forente - eating wildly (boringly).

All that is to say, that being wasteful of resources and in a vain manor is a sin against the testament of God. Now, with that in mind, why is Lent so important? It's a paradoxical holiday that I can only see as the incarnation to make people believe they are doing write, and make sure they are repenting for what they are going to do after 40 days of "sacrifice". The paradox here of course is that while you are giving up your Coca-Cola, and your chocolate, and your video games, once the 40 days are over, you are going to too soonly indulge on this habits again, because your brain is wired to think that way. But according to Thomas Aquinas, this is "ardenter" or eating too eagerly.

Now when you put this all together, you are not only fasting only to be gluttonous, you are then celebrating/mourning the death of a man, brutally and horribly, and then praising him when he rises, because you await to be the chosen ones in His eyes and watch as He casts the infidels into Hell on Judgement Day while you can have all the spoils and sacrifice in Heaven. I think that covers Greed (wanting all in Heaven), Sloth (no emotional remorse for all of "God's children" being throw into Hell), Wrath (a burning passion to destroy those unfaithful), Envy (wanting to take Jesus's place and be glorified), Pride (feeling better than those that have been cast into Hell), and Vanity (feeling like you were the chosen because you picked the right side). Add these together and take out the compatibles and you have approximately 6 out of the 7 deadly sins. The only one missing is Lust, and you have so kept that by being abstinent and lusting after your boyfriends and girlfriends before marriage, even while "keeping God's faith".

Putting all that together, you have rightfully earned a place in Hell, but because you followed God, you can be forgiven and make it into Heaven. I'm calling bullshit, but believe what you want. I know if God is real I'm going to Hell, and I have no qualms, for I am never perfect. I sin and sin and sin, and I enjoy sinning. Makes my life have meaning. So while you sit back, relax and enjoy thinking you are making a sacrifice to God, remember the sins you are still committing, and how much more intense they are after the fact. As for me, I'll be enjoying all the things you give up for 40 days, and thereafter, for I have no worry about my faith. My faith has divided by zero. And oh back to Dexter, he kills DDK, who thinks he has done all right for God, and that God has willed everything that has occurred. Sounds to me like the mindless leading the blind. But I'll hold my tongue.

"Self Vs. Self" and "The Wretched" Parallels

So lately I have been listening to more and more heavy music just to clear my mind and feel the complexity of the words. One of those particular bands of interest is In Flames. They have several songs I like but one in particular stands out and it's part title of this post. That song would be "Self Vs. Self".

Featured on the most recent Pendulum album "Immersion", the song combines the elements of well known metal with Pendulum's drum & bass style to create a very unique song in its composition. But besides the obvious brilliance in music talent, the writing for the song is incredible and relates to a deeper side of me which I consistently tend to struggle with. The song essentially talks of the struggles of the positive and negative struggles of human reality and the overcoming from a positive standpoint of the misery and pain that may have befallen.

Putting that song into perspective for my life, as I mentioned in the last post, I am slowly rebuilding my life. And I have my up days and down and down seems to try to rule things. Lately, with all the stress from school and my own mind playing its crafty tricks of deception, I have seemingly fallen into what seems like a chasm of self deprecation and haven't ever managed to find my way out.

This is where the second song comes into play and enhances my expression of how I feel I am fighting myself. The second song is the new single off of Attack Attack!'s new record. The talented vocalist Johnny left, leaving the equally talented Caleb to try to lead the band into a new direction. In the new direction, he leads with screams and the singing to go with it, and it's not the best but this particular song has been looming in my brain since I listened to it.

The poignant line within the song is "There's something wrong with me, I can't seem to agree..." also like "Self Vs. Self", hinting at an internal struggle. I know for one I am having that struggle and relate to both of those. Attack Attack! has helped me through trying times and I know of no better answer than to play through their CD and cope.

Combining all this together, I feel a war beginning which I have no way of knowing the outcome. I am at war with myself, and as such, I will have my moments of glory, overcoming the misery, and my moments of darkness, close to death in my spiral for purpose. Only one can win, and no matter which, I won't be making it out alive of this life.

In a parallel to Attack Attack!'s "The Wretched", The Word Alive's song of the same name says "We won't fool the deceiver...". I can call it as it is right now: I am the deceiver, and both sides can't fool themselves for too long.

Wandering About This Restless Mind

So as if having one blog wasn't enough, I've created a second to occasionally indulge into my personal thoughts and find a sense of purpose to my followers. My first blog originally entailed the idea of expressing my thoughts openly, but I rapidly lost track of it and eventually converted it to telling of music I have discovered and wish other people to know. This blog will go back to the beginning in the ideals I originally offered to share.

Before I begin on what I feel I should express, I suppose I should explain the significance of the name of the blog, in addition with the name of my first blog. Both blog addresses share various similarities with the name. Both are lyrics from the same band, Of Machines. Both offer a shaded view into my personal thoughts. Finally, both shed light on a more important view of myself that I don't commonly share (until now). As for the first blog "Sailing Alone Around The Room Never Seemed Best", I was indeed alone at the time, but sought much solace in friends in order to fully feel "the human experience". I shortly found that this has its benefits and downfalls, with the downfalls exceedingly higher than that of the benefits. I had fallen in love, developed solid friendships, and was at a place where I thought I could never be torn down from.

This changed with my failures in judgement and perception, and I have since slid deeper and deeper into an oblivion from which I have no idea how I can manage to fully recover. I have made strides from where I was. I was in the deepest of the deep. I had lost my friendships, my happiness, and no matter how much people try to tell me otherwise, the love of my life. Not wanting to accept that at the beginning, I sought an easy way out, and even made it known to my parents. I eventually found strength in the little friendships that remained and built my way out of the dust and into a new beginning, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I went back to school, built back up my reputation, and sought new ways to fill the voids in my life. Much of this was alcohol and tobacco, but when that wasn't enough I turned to psychedelics to ease the burdens. My mind seemed to rewire and I found a new happiness.

From then, I have truly felt like I have been in hiding. All that happiness was a fake excuse to validate those around me, and I have since realized that. I am not content where I am, and I don't know if I will be for a while, but the only difference now is I'm done seeking "approval". Those that have remained my friends will be around for me, and no one else matters. I don't need more people to lose when they tire of who they think I am. I put up a front to survive the toils of school, to be known as a great mind, regardless of if I am or not.

This is where the new blog title comes in. "These Dreams And The Reality Never Seemed So Refined, Until I Awoke To Find..." is about the perception of what I had dreamed all these years to be true reality and the other side which I imagined not to be, and me realizing it. This reality is a mere perception of how we wish it to be. When we have a good day where dreams come true and happiness is abound, the reality becomes distorted and seems so refined to the image we had. Likewise, an image of despair and trouble also becomes refined when your eyes open to what the world is around you.

So my main question to those that have taken the time to read this, or even skim to this point is this: are you really who you want to be? 

I know I'm not, and I'm not sure I ever will be. But maybe, just maybe I can improve upon that now. I don't need your gratitude. I don't need your guidance, your strength, or even your support for me to know who I am. I know who I am. I am lost within my dreams of something better, and like dreams, these are just my distorted perception of my reality. And whether or not I should see the light, I prefer to dream in darkness than follow blindly in light.